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Denial vs. Anger

It's been a little more than 2 weeks now and somehow I think I still haven't made any progress. The easiest part were the first 24 hours because I was in total denial mode. During these hours I basically felt nothing due to the fact that I didn't understand what had happened to me. And suddently the pain kicked in and riped my life apart.

During the first days I thought I had passed the stage of denial. Far from it! I was switching between denial and anger basically a thousand times a day.  When I was in denial I was full of hope. Every time the door rang or my phone rang or I got an e-mail I was hoping it would be her admitting she made a big mistake. It took me at least a weak until I finally realized that everything has changed and won't go back to "normal"!

This means that I currently in "Anger" mode. But the strangest thing is that I am not angry with her or mad at her. All my anger is turned towards myself. I keep asking myself thousands of questions and they all start with "why did I ..:" or "why didn't I..." or "why was I ..." or "why wasn't I .."! Up until now I didn't start questioning her behaviour but I know that I have to that soon.

I have to admit I am both a little upset with her and absolutely sad about the way she ended our relationship. For here there was no "we in us, only an I"!

Finally a nice quote I read last night after my last blog entry which expresses exactly how I feel and I want to share it with you.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

29.1.11 23:56


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