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The break up

In order for you to understand my way through the five stages of grief I have to tell you about the break up.

It was a Tuesday when I saw the love of my life the last time but we have had already made the plan to meet the following Friday night after I was done with my orchestra rehearsal. Throughout the week we spoke on the phone just like every other day. During our call on Thursday she told me that she would already come by on Friday afternoon before I would go to my rehearsal. I was so happy to hear that because I thought we would have more time together.

Finally it was Friday afternoon and I was waiting for the door bell to rang and to being able to hug and squeeze her. Up until she entered the living room and I looked at her face everything was normal. And then I heard the words everybody hates, "we need to talk". And all of a sudden I knew that it was over even though I couldn't think of any reason why she was about to break up with me. 

The reasons she told me were that her feelings changed and that she couldn't see a future with me. Another reason was that she thought that I stopped moving on one and a half years ago!  And here comes the worst part, she met someone else she likes and he was the reason she started thinking about us and came to the conclusion to break up with me. We have been a couple for more than 10 years and it took her only two weeks of thinking to decide that we are over. One other reason for her to break up with me was that her family and I had an argument a few years back and haven't had contact ever since. Over the last years she never told me that the situation was a big issue for her, but now it is!

Due to the fact that we haven't had a lot of arguments at all and that she never ever mentioned anything to me or tried to talk to me about these things. Even though I asked her a lot of times if something is wrong or if she has any sorrows she didn't say anything to me. Unfortunately she didn't want to talk to me about that in order not to ruin the rare time we have had together due to our long distance relationship. So she finally kept it all to herself and stopped loving me.

As you may or may not see this break up came out of the blue for me! And now I am supposed to stop loving the love of my life just because she did the same. But to be honest I have no clue how I should to that!

 Even though I know that SHE is through with us I keep going back and forth between denial and anger but I for today or better tonight I have written enough and will continue with how I am dealing with these two stages of grief soon.

30.1.11 00:30


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